Fear

I think people blame their feelings, when actually, they are just lazy. I think this, because I do this. We say things like, “I just don’t feel like it.” When what we mean is, “I don’t want to.” Or, “I’m afraid.”

Feelings and emotions are learned from our experiences (I don’t have science and research to back this up. This is stuff I have read, listened to, and learned anecdotally from personal experience). In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell does a much better job explaining this, but I’m going to summarize in my own words. I do encourage you to read it, and the rest of his books.

If you have experience in something, your feelings, are probably more accurate than your intellect. For example, my best friend has been in law enforcement for over a decade. When in certain circumstances, he will feel things in his body even before they register in his intellect, because of his experience and training. Some call it gut, some call it intuition, but the point is that there are times when your body will know even before it registers in your mind. You might feel it in the pit of your stomach, or get an eery feeling. There are plenty of colloquial way of expressing it.

If you don’t have experience in the situation you are in, say, you are a rookie. You feelings will lie to you and you shouldn’t use/trust your feelings, because they haven’t yet been trained.

When you are not in a high pressure situation, unlike law enforcement, you have time to question your feelings. There are times when I should do something, and I don’t, and then realize it was fear stopping me. I need to take a minute and figure out why I am feeling fear. Is it irrational fear, like fear of rejection, or change? Or, is it rational, and letting me know that, that’s not the right move. That if I continue in that direction, there will be pain and consequences. Fear isn’t always bad, it isn’t always wrong. But we do need to understand why we are feeling it. Sometimes it is the corny saying, “False Evidence Appearing Real” and sometimes there is a lion mid-air about to crush you.

There are times I don’t want to do something because I am so different, and I am worried about what people will say about me. So, I try to pawn it off as, “I don’t feel like doing it” but really, I am just scared. Scared of being hurt, rejected, shunned, ridiculed, etc. And sometimes, I do it anyway. I just do it scared.

Where I often have a hard time, is standing up for myself. Like, telling people how I really feel and not just smoothing things over. Because, when I just smooth things over, I still have to deal with the frustration and angst. It takes courage to really stand. It takes courage to say what you really believe and not back down because someone disagrees with you. I don’t always have that courage. I often would prefer to be liked, and everybody just have a good time.

Take courage. Stand for what is right. Be bold in the truth that you have found. Be the light, that this world needs. (I was talking to myself right then)