Seeking Understanding

“Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood” – Dr Stephen Covey, author of “7 Habits of Highly Successful People”

More often than not, in fact, if I am not intentional, I do not heed to that statement. I am so passionate about getting my point across. Sometimes I am way too dogmatic about my own point of view. I want you to understand what I am saying. I’ll even say things like, “does that make sense?”

The truth is, “I am the least interesting person I know.” (I can’t remember who I heard say that) In other words, I know pretty much everything about me, but I have so much to learn from you. I try to remember that when I am talking with someone. When in a disagreement on something, I become defense, and insist that you understand “what I meant by that.” Instead of seeking to understand, I demand to be understood. Which is destructive. Very destructive.

If I open up, t’s easier for others to open up. It would be best to have the courage to resolve feelings of self-pity and the need to be defensive, and seek to understand instead. I am not guaranteeing this will fix all problems, but it is time to move forward and take responsibility for our actions and make sure that we get those right before worrying about how others are behaving. In other words, seek first to understand, when you understand, then seek to be understood.

This is one of the most difficult things in my life right now. Being defensive has become a reaction that is extremely hard to stop. In the moment, I have to acknowledge to myself that, that is the way that I am feeling, and intentionally and purposefully stop. I’m not good at it yet, but it is what I am working towards.

Want to join me in seeking to understand? It’s hard, I promise.