I was talking with my brother-in-law last night and we were bewilderingly discussing how people will so willing bash those who smoke, drink, gamble, and use drugs, because, “Don’t they know what they are doing to their bodies? Don’t they know that those addictions are controlling them? Don’t they know that those things are their masters?” All the while, eating another ice cream, eating at fast food restaurants, stopping in the convenience store to pick up a sugary drink and snack cake, running through the doughnut shop, stacking cases or bottles of soda and junk in their grocery carts, and just generally DESTROYING their own bodies with sugar, grains, and chemicals. Not to mention the prescription drugs that are being taken, because of depression, anxiety, blood pressure, blood sugar, etc. To quote the afore-mentioned people, “Don’t you know your body is a temple?” All the while continuously gaining more and more fat that is destroying their health.
Now I have been guilty of this out of control style of eating. I have noticed that shame is such a huge contributor of unhealthy eating habits, especially mine. The more I deal with shame in my life, the easier it is to maintain healthy eating habits. I have never met someone who was morbidly obese who didn’t struggle with shame on some level. It isn’t typically because of the obesity that they feel shame, it is the shame that fuels the obesity.
There isn’t a person who consistently maintained healthy eating habits, who was obese. I see people who tell me they can’t lose weight, and then I see them a couple of days later and they are consuming something that will definitely not help them on the road to better health.
One of the basic keys to health is consistency over long periods of time. Eating the right things, and abstaining from the wrong things for long periods of time.
We lose when we give into discouragement and shame. See, shame says, “You are fat!” excuse me, it shouts it. But the truth is, you HAVE fat, you aren’t fat. You do have some muscle, you do have bones, nerves, ligaments, etc. Reality is you, and I, have some fat, and we also have , some unhealthy habits that we need to change. Guilt says, “Oh, I shouldn’t eat this.” Shame says, “You are a fat piece of garbage who can’t stop stuffing your fat face.” Guilt is about actions, shame is about identity.
You aren’t fundamentally changing who you are, you are changing actions, habits. Shame drives more shame. Shaming further intrenches us in shame. Stop trying to shame yourself into health, it won’t work. Change habits.
I didn’t expect losing weight and becoming healthier to be such an emotional experience, but it brought a lot of hidden shame to the surface that I have had to deal with over the last year and a half. Shame has caused me to act in very negative and hurtful ways. Shame caused me to hurt those closest to me. Shame caused me to fear and that fear made me very angry. When I tried to deal with anger and fear, nothing happened except I got angrier. When I started dealing with shame, thank you Dr Brene Brown, Dr Chester Wright, and Dr Gerald Jeffers, anger and fear have started to disappear. I’m not whole yet, but I am better than I was. And that’s the point really, growth and maturing.
I don’t just want to be around for my family, I want to be fully alive and the best I can be. I want to be as healthy as I can be for them, giving them the best Jared that there is. I don’t want to just be physically healthy, I want to be healthy emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially. I can intentionally get better or stagnate, which is not better.
This post is just to bring awareness, not cause anyone to feel bad. There is hope. There is help.
jareddoran 